I am lost. Or am I? To be lost to me means, not knowing where one is exactly in relation to where one wants to be. Perhaps I am antilost, or is it alost or perhaps tsol? Whatever the reverse of lost is. I think I know where it is that I am in my life, but I have no idea where I want to be, and therefore no idea how to get there.
I am certain I am not the only one in this position. This brings me no comfort. If I am but one of many to face a firing squad, am I any more comfortable in the knowledge of my impending doom than if I were to face the execution alone?
Working through the conundrum; how do I find myself? The question becomes; where is it that I want to find?
I have a memory of a method once used in a situation I can’t remember by a wise person I am unable to recall, whereby to discover an unknown desired state the person worked in reverse. That is to find out where it is that I want to be I should consider where it is that I do not want to be.
Well I certainly do know that I do not want to be unhappy; afraid; alone or just an unthinking mechanistic, insignificant Mr Joe Blow, J.P Citizen, Tom, Dick or Harry.
So I can now realise that I am looking for a place where I am happy, safe, not alone, mentally challenged, distinguished and individualistic. But where is this? Where can I be, what can I do, that makes me feel happy, safe, not alone, mentally challenged, distinguished and individualistic? At the moment I do not know. The thing is, to find myself maybe I don’t need to know exactly where I want to be. Maybe if I just live my life, such that I am always striving to be safe, not alone, mentally challenged, distinguished and individualistic, maybe I will be happy and just maybe I will stumble across the place I want to be.
Maybe I will find myself one day.
Maybe, one day?